Art and Forgiveness

Sometimes there are things in life that derail everything.

I’m an imperfect person. There are a few patterns I keep on repeating and breaking free of them has proven harder than I anticipated. It’s been a lot of work and my therapist is trying really hard to get me to see the obvious.

Well, her and everyone else. It’s hard to see the thing when you’re in it.

I’m really good at seeing the larger picture when it’s someone else’s situation. I know the right thing to do, what must be done. As long as I’m not directly involved in the situation. If it’s about me in any way, I’m paralyzed.

This past week I’ve made some major progress. It was agonizing, but it needed to be done. I know I’ll feel better in a few weeks, but right now, I’m devastated. Progress can be painful The down side is that it’s consumed me. Everything else in my life has sort of fallen by the wayside. Perversely, the guilt about failing to do all things during a major life crisis, is making me even more stressed.

I know I’ve said it before, but I’m trying to give myself permission to fail. Just because I have to make priorities of my regular mundane life, it doesn’t make me less of an artist.

Someday I’ll believe that.

Don’t worry, things really are getting better and I’m actually optimistic. It’s just been a lot to process.

-R/AC

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