Feedback Friday – Velleity

It’s time again for Feedback Friday!

Feedback Fridays is that wonderful time of the week when I read over your submissions and let you know what I think. It’s fun, I promise! Well, at least I think it’s fun. You should all give it a try.

Want to participate? Look over the “Writing Prompts Wednesdays” posts and find something that speaks to you. It can be a piece of flash fiction, a scene or thought inspired by the prompt. You can use it to spark a simple exercise for your current work in progress.

Send it in to me at TickledInkBlog@gmail.com , and maybe you’ll get featured! We’re working hard to get these up every week so keep those submissions coming.

Let’s get to this week’s submission!

 

THE PROMPT:

Velleity: Noun

A wish or inclination which is not strong enough to lead one to take action

 

THE PIECE:

I want to leave my room. Sort of. Other than to go to the bathroom, I mean. I want to be out of my room. In like, an abstract way. But not like, outside outside. Just, not staring at the same four walls anymore.

Besides a bathroom and a new view, I have basically everything I could ever need right here in my room. I have a tv and my laptop, a heating pad, cozy blankets. And an almost unlimited supply of Diet Mountain Dew. Almost unlimited in that as long as my sister will keep bringing it to me, I have all the Diet Dew I can drink.

Sometimes I make a loop through the living room on my way to or from the bathroom, but there are too many windows there, so I don’t do it often. And the kitchen has a big, clear glass door to the front porch on one side and double French doors to the deck on the other. I haven’t been in the kitchen since I got home.

There’s a little part of me that almost wants more, but not badly enough to do anything about it. It’s sort of a flutter of an idea, just every once in a while. An inkling.

Every once in a while when the fog lifts enough for me to remember that I’ve been staring at these same four walls for the better part of eight months now. It’s eight months that only really seems long when I think about how many shows I’ve streamed in entirety.

And it seems like forever when I think about the bizarre series of events that led me to decide not to leave my room anymore. The cheating, the break up, the accident.

The aftermath.

The months in the hospital, the accusations when I was the only one who left the hospital. The therapists visiting me at home who only made my idea that much more plausible.

I can’t say I regret my decision to stay here, even when I get that little inkling of wanting to leave. Where would I go? With the stares, and the whispered snippets of gossip, and the would be journalists waiting to break the next piece of the Cora Jones story.

I don’t want to be a news story any more, so I stay in my room, where there are no journalists and an unlimited supply of Diet Dew.

 

THE FEEDBACK:

I am absolutely captivated by the narrator! I want to know more about them and what happened and all about what happened. You’ve done an excellent job pulling the reader in to the story. I’m already heavily emotionally invested.

As an anxiety professional, I have to say you’ve painted the panic, fear, and paradoxical inertia perfectly. I know the feeling of being both trapped and welcomed by the isolation. I also love how that is perfectly illustrates the word prompt of “velleity” in a horrifying way. Excellent work?

I like how you piece out the information a little at a time. It’s paced really well! I find that to be one of the hardest things to do so you’ve done excellent work.

You didn’t indicate, but I assume this is part of a larger story. If it isn’t, it should be. Keep up the excellent work! I’d love to read more when you have it.

-R/AC

 

 

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.